One saying I’ve heard over the years is that friends of 20 years may not remain friends forever.
I use to think it was a sad way of defining friendship but these days, as I grow more in knowledge, I realize it’s one of the realist pieces of advice anyone can remember.
Recently, I came across a headline about a celebrity expressing frustration over a colleague she used to be very close to, but no longer speaks to the same way. It got me to pause and think about my own friends, the people I once considered extremely close. Well, we are not as close as we used to be. Honestly, I don’t see that as a bad thing because a change in friendship closeness is an integral part of life and growth.
Sometimes people simply grow in different directions. What once felt natural and effortless can later begin to feel uncomfortable, forced, or emotionally distant. Not because anyone is evil or wrong, but because growth changes people. As our life experiences expand, so do our personal beliefs, interests, and values.
We often talk about friendship breakups as failures, but I don’t think they always are. Some relationships are meant for certain seasons of our lives. Some friends walk with us through childhood, college, career, marriage, confusion, heartbreak, ambition or even survival and then with time, life slowly pulls us onto different paths. I like to think of friendship as chapters in a book, each one contributing to the overall narrative of our lives.
I believe many people are afraid of growing apart because they associate it with loss, betrayal, or loneliness. But growing apart does not always mean something terrible happened. Sometimes it simply means both people are becoming who they are meant to be. We can often look back at friendships that have waned with a sense of nostalgia but it’s essential to differentiate between longing for the past and understanding the present reality of our lives.
In this journey of life, we undergo various experiences that shape us into who we are today. We may find new passions, develop different perspectives, live in different cities or even encounter challenging situations that alter our priorities. In this process of evolution, we may drift from friends that once defined our identities.
Holding onto relationships that no longer align with your values, lifestyle, mindset, or emotional needs can actually prevent growth and can be very frustrating. There are moments when forcing closeness becomes more uncomfortable than accepting distance. When we recognize that the way we feel about certain friends has changed, it might be a chance to reflect on how it had altered and also what that means for the future rather than viewing it as a loss.
People will come and go.
That is one of the hardest and most beautiful truths about life.
Each person we encounter contributes to our journey, leaving an imprint in their own unique way. Whether it be through shared laughter, support during tough moments, or simply moments that shape our memories. Instead of mourning the relationships that have faded, we can celebrate the experiences that were shared, acknowledging how they’ve contributed to our growth. Each relationship teaches us something new about ourselves and the world at large.
Maybe maturity is learning to appreciate people for the chapter they shared with you without demanding they stay for the entire story. Embracing this idea allows for a more profound understanding of relationships, encouraging a mindset focused on gratitude rather than grief. After all, each chapter adds depth and richness to our personal narratives, paving the way for new connections that align with who we are becoming.
A deep thought to reflect on: Can we truly appreciate the beauty of a chapter if we’re constantly upset that it ended?
With Stories Always,
Yhem 💕
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