Yhem Speaks

Some mornings I walk into the office already thinking about my schedule, mentally arranging my tasks before my laptop even boots up. On one of those mornings, I had barely settled into my chair when a colleague walked up smiling and said, “Nice dress, where did you get it?” It was harmless enough, so I smiled back, said thank you, and thought that would be the end of it. But then came the follow-ups. “How much was it?” “You always dress like this?” “Special occasion?” and just like that, a compliment quietly turned into an investigation.

Now let me be fair, not every curious colleague is malicious. Some people genuinely believe they’re being friendly. And if you grew up in Nigeria, you already understand how questions can sometimes mean interest or connection. Asking about your life, your plans, your salary, your rent, your family in many spaces back home, that’s almost conversational culture. But in a professional environment, especially when you’re living abroad and already navigating visibility as a foreigner, the tone can feel different. You’re conscious of your accent, your lunch choices, your clothing, your personal days. You don’t always know if the curiosity is casual, cultural, or quietly evaluative.

I used to over-explain. That was my mistake. If someone asked why I was off work, I would start narrating everything; the appointment, the delay or the inconvenience as if I owed them a full breakdown. It took me a while to realize that you can answer a question without opening your entire diary. That was the first shift.

The first smart way to handle a nosy colleague is to answer at surface level and stop there. If someone asks why you were absent, you could say… “I had something to take care of”. That’s a complete answer. It is not rude, it is not defensive, and it does not require a sequel. The discomfort that follows is usually theirs, not yours. Silence only feels awkward because we’re used to filling it.

The second way is to redirect calmly. If the questions start stretching beyond what feels necessary, a smooth transition works wonders. “It was fine, by the way, did you see the new design in the hallway? It’s so beautiful!” Professional conversations have a rhythm, and you are allowed to guide it back to work. Most people follow the tone you set. You don’t have to confront. You don’t have to explain why you’re uncomfortable. You simply steer.

The third way is to stay warm without being open. This one matters most. There is a difference between being friendly and being fully accessible. You can laugh, smile, greet everyone in the morning, and still keep your personal life personal. Growing up, especially in my culture, answering fully was often equated with respect. Dodging questions could be seen as pride or attitude. But being grown teaches you that boundaries are not disrespect; they are maintenance. Not every curiosity deserves access. Not every colleague needs context.

Something interesting happens when you stop over-explaining: people will eventually adjust. They sense the limit and they recalibrate. The questions reduce. The energy shifts. You become pleasant but not porous, approachable but not available for commentary.

Living abroad has taught me that visibility can make you feel like you owe explanations about your culture, your time off, your choices, even your quietness. But the office is not a confessional booth. It’s a workspace. You are there to contribute, not to narrate your entire life story.

The beautiful thing is this: once you stop performing your privacy, people learn where the line is. You don’t have to announce your boundaries. You just live inside them.

The smartest response is always a complete sentence without saying too much.

That’s it.

With Stories Always,

Yhem💞