Yhem Speaks

Behind every choice is a story we may never fully know

It’s easy to look at someone else’s story and say, “If it were me, I’d never do that.” We do it when we hear a gist. We also do it when we read a headline. It happens even when a friend shares something that sounds unbelievable. From the outside, choices look simple. But life has a way of reminding us that nothing is ever as black and white as it seems.

The truth is, until you’ve walked a road, you don’t know where the stones are. You don’t know how heavy the load feels. You also don’t know what it takes just to keep moving. Struggles that look small from a distance often feel overwhelming up close. And sometimes the very thing we once criticized in others becomes the very thing we find ourselves dealing with.

I heard a story this week about someone who stayed in a loveless marriage for twelve years. When asked why, her reasons weren’t the usual ones people expect. She said she held on because the stability of their routine gave her comfort. Every morning, he brewed her favorite tea. It was just the way she liked it. She couldn’t imagine losing that small piece of consistency in her life. To many, including myself, it doesn’t make sense. But really, what do we know? It’s her life, her choice and her reasons. From the outside, we’ll never see the full picture.

When we stand outside of people’s realities, we often oversimplify their decisions. We say things like:

• “I would have left right away.”
• “I’d never let anyone treat me that way.”
• “Why would you stay in that marriage?”

Well, life has a way of humbling us. Bills, health issues, and unexpected losses bring us to places we never imagined. Love itself is also part of this journey. Suddenly, what once looked “easy” to fix becomes complicated. It changes when it’s your own thing, your own family or your own survival on the line.

Think about it. It is easy to judge a parent whose child is misbehaving. That changes when you become the one whose toddler is throwing a tantrum in public. It’s simple to say you’d never take a certain job until your own bills start piling higher than your paycheck. Even in relationships, it’s easy to call someone “weak” for staying. Then you realize how complicated love, loyalty, and circumstance can be.

For me, I’d say being humble is the best way to live because life has no single manual. Everyone’s journey is different. What makes sense for one person may look strange to another, but that doesn’t make it less valid. Sometimes, people stay in situations that don’t make sense to us. These situations may be the very reasons they are holding on to their sanity. They might also be clinging to their identity or even just a sliver of hope.

We don’t have to agree with or approve of every choice, but we can resist the urge for quick judgment.

Instead of condemning what we’ve never lived, maybe it’s better to choose empathy. To pause before we speak. To admit… “I don’t fully understand why you’re doing this. I don’t understand why you chose it. But I respect that this is your reality. I can only advise you, not judge you. Whether you listen or not is up to you.”

Anything can happen to anyone. That’s why we need to be careful with our words. Not everything people do is right, but every action has a reason behind it. Remembering that helps us see with compassion instead of condemnation.

So the next time you’re tempted to pass judgment—breathe, listen, and extend grace. You never know the weight someone else is carrying. And you never know when life might place you in a story you once thought you’d never live.

Have a wonderful weekend, and thank you for reading.

With stories always,

Yhem💞